Friendship Slips

Typically we have one boss, one God, and one romance.  All the other people in our lives tend to fall into this grey area of "friends"....  The ways we connect with others create the framework we will live our lives.  As Jason Miller discussed this past week, there are some dysfunctional "slips" in our lives that can prevent us from getting real traction in our friendships:

SLIP #1:   Trying to have friends without being a friend

• Our fears and insecurites of "being alone" or "not having the right/cool friends" can cause us to stockpile people around us so we don't feel alone
• Our "friends" are really commodities to us... we're using them to meet our wants or needs
• People in our lives not filling a need are easily discarded
• We end up having friends without being a friend because we're using them to feel OK
• We avoid having a "real" conversations with our friends for fear of losing them.  Instead of being a true friend saying what may need to be said, we simply avoid anything that may adversely affect the relationship
• John 15: 12-13    12 This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you.13 This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.
• True measure of friendship is its depth, human to human, deep to deep

SLIP #2:   Trying to be a friend without having friends

• We need to be needed, our relationships are focused on helping others in need but won't ask for help from others
• We believe a lie that as long as we're needed, people will be around (friends)
• It can get to the point we fear people not being there if we were to ask for help so we don't.... leads to more loneliness
• Ecclesiastes 4:9   It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
  Share the work, share the wealth.

Slip #3:  Trying to be a friend like Jesus without being a friend with Jesus

• "God, why do my friends stink?" ...  Maybe we're trying to hold them to a standard that's unachievable, a level only Christ can attain?
• When we can let go of the unrealistic standard for our friends, we can see the various ways they do help us and are true friends to us
• When we realize the God of the universe calls us a friend, it's humbling and we realize the grace He's given us... He can fill that void in our lives

CS Lewis, Four Loves   “Those who are going nowhere, can have no fellow travelers”

• One of the best ways to develop friendships is to head somewhere together… serve together…  Go after a common purpose or goal...
• Our true friends can give us traction so we don't continue to "slip" our way through life

It can feel like a tightrope between "being needy" and trying not to "be needed".... how are you doing with that balance?  What steps do you need to take to refresh how you're being a friend or viewing your friends?