Our culture has a stong influence (even Standard Operation Procedures) on how dating and relationships are supposed to role. How's that working for you? Do you feel like you "have" to be with someone and being single is lame? Will marriage solve all your problems? This week online Rob Wegner talked about three "slips" we make in our courtship process.
- Slip #1: Being Married is Normal
- Our culture would say it's the beautiful, the entertaining, the powerful, or wealthy that win in this game. The problem is, you may not feel like you're any of those and it sure seems like you're losing the game. All around you people seem to be in relationships and eventually are getting married. You're single and that's a problem.
So what does the Bible say about that?
I Corinthans 7:7-8 Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me.
The two greatest characters in the New Testament were Jesus and Paul. Their impact has literally been felt by billions of people......and they were single.
Are you believing the lie that being single is a problem and in some way our culture is judging you? Do you feel pressure to be sexually active to keep up with cultures standards?
Slip #2: Accept the SOP in the WDS (Standard Operating Procedure in the World Dating Scene)
- Let's face it, we're bombarded with this everyone... TV, movies, advertising, our peers.... How you look is everything... your clothes, make-up to look younger, work-out, being sexy and physically desirable is what wins..
- Once you have a date, now you need to be spontaneous, adventurous, witty, romantic, and easy....all while looking confident
- Typically people get bored in steps 1 and 2 with people and move on. In Step 3, that often ends up in "he's an idiot" or "she's psycho". If you make it to step 4, over 1/2 the time ends up in divorce or a lifeless marriage.
In your gut, how's that working for you? What carnage has been left behind in your wake? Or, are you the carnage in someone else's wake? Are you winning or does it seem like someone (or everyone) else seems to have it figured out a lot more than you?
Are you believing the lie that someone actually wins in this game long term?
Maybe it's time for a new plan....
- The first question should be, "Does this person have the potential to be my best friend the rest of my life?" as opposed to, "Is he/she a hotty or a notty?"
- God created us with sexual attraction and drive, He's all about it... just within His plan though...
- Once we can understand our true value in the eyes of God, the world's standard operating procedures are exposed for how lame and unachievable they are...
We've all screwed up in this area... remember, God is all about hitting the refresh button...
What plan will I choose? Which plan do the people around me push me towards?
Slip #3: Marriage will be my ultimate fulfillment
- Marriage isn't the cure for loneliness, happiness, finding your purpose, or all your needs. Jesus is.
- We can be like leeches in marriage....sucking what we've been missing in our lives out of our spouse, and when they're dried up.... we're miserable, we move on, and/or we divorce
- Courtship doesn't stop once you get married
- Focus on becoming the right kind of person which will help you find and attract the right type of person...
- Many couples that have been married successfully for many years will tell you, "there were times we questioned if we married the right person".... they made a decision/commitment to be the right person and keep working at it
- If we asked ourself, what does humanity look like at its very best? Jesus is our hope to become the right person.
Am I focused on my spouse changing rather than where I need to take steps? Do I need to get outside help in our marriage to re-ignite the passion? What is the next right thing I need to do in my marriage?
Other great quotes:
- "I try to wow them with my awkwardness"- that was Rob's "game" in the dating days
- "God still loves you the same no matter where you're at....even if you've been giving Him the finger your whole life."
Additional reading (try youversion.com Online Bible):
1 John 4, 1 Corinthians 13